"In recognition of their hard work and dedication, I am going to be issuing several million Presidential Medals of Making America Great Again to right wing friends from high school all over the United States." Trump said in a series of edited tweets.
Millions of right wing friends from high school have been invited to the White House where they will receive their medal, a handshake photo opportunity, and a pat on the head. Winners will be broken down into "Best Facebook Post", "Bigliest Tweet" and "Best Dinner Table Rant"
Commemorative pamphlets are being printed that appear to show crowd size on inauguration day, an electoral map, with a space on the back for a signature, not that the president will sign but where recipients must sign to receive their medal.
"I am deeply honored to receive this great honor. Just honored " one right wing friend from high school said. "Am I insulted that I have to pay cash in advance for it? No not at all. I am honored. So what if I have to drive to Washington myself? I am honored, just honored."
When asked about the medals and where they will be made, the president said proudly that they will be made in America. Rumors purport that they will be made by a company that he owns. Sean Spicer said that was ridiculous and that the medals are being made by a company Ivanka owns so that there is no conflict of interest and, unprompted, stated "No they are not being made by kids in the basement of a Mar-a-lago storage facility."
The president noted that in order to boost the re-emerging coal industry, they will be designed to be a small nugget of coal encased in lead because "the American lead industry has been flagging for years and we need to bring it back."
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